Sara's Return
by samsmom
Summary: Sara returns to CSI and to...Catherine?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I've never been a fan of the whole GSR idea – much prefer the CSR realm. That said, assume Sara left during the "Goodbye and Good Luck" episode, but the kiss and the letter, etc. never existed. Neither did the actual GSR. I watched the "Family Affair" rerun last night and this idea screamed at me. It's sorta in-ep, but there are alterations to the events that happened in the episode, just FYI. I own nothing but the idea.

Not beta'd and barely proofread...my apologies if you can't follow.

Spoilers: Goodbye and Good Luck, One to Go, Family Affair

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Chapter 1

Sara and I have been in touch for about a year now. The first time she called was a month or so after Warrick's death. She wanted to make sure I was dealing with the loss of my best friend and not just sweeping it to the side; we talked for hours. It was like she'd never left. Then again, we rarely talked before she left. It was more like she was my long lost best friend I didn't know about. She asked me not to tell anyone she'd called, so I didn't. I've kept it quiet ever since. At first, we only talked about once a month. It gradually became a more frequent thing. Recently, we've been talking almost every other day, so the past week without a word has actually been driving me nuts. She told me she had a trip coming up and communication would be spotty. She wouldn't tell me anything about it – said there were so many unknowns that she didn't want to get her own hopes up by talking about it. She assured me that it was only for 11 days, that she'd call me as soon as she could, and that she would tell me all about it when it was over. That's all I could really ask, but it's still been frustrating.

When Sara first left, none of us knew where she went. While she was back for the funeral, she avoided talking about herself. When she was asked direct questions, she mostly answered them, but we could tell she was leaving a lot out. I was hurt at first, that she wouldn't trust us with her "personal" information. As I studied her, I came to realize it wasn't _us_ she wanted to keep things from; it was Grissom. Once she started calling, after swearing me to secrecy, Sara gave me more details about where she's been. She's been doing humanitarian work, mostly in Central America. She's helped build schools in three villages, and was a driving force in bringing clean water to four others.

These days, whenever I talk to Sara, she sounds happy. She tells me she's excised her demons and shooed away the ghosts. Recently, she says she misses her work here, but I'm not sure if it's the work, or her friends. Sometimes it really sounds like she wants to come back and be a CSI again. I But then, I think that's just wishful thinking on my part. I would love to have Sara back here again – for more than just professional reasons. But I'm afraid if she came back, her demons would be here waiting. Even when we weren't so close, I wouldn't have wanted that for her.

Sara was ticked when Gil found her in Costa Rica: she blamed me for telling him where she was, but eventually figured out that he picked up on really subtle clues from her letters to the team. She also realized that she had still been pretty vague with me on where she was. If I had wanted to, I'm sure the CSI in me could have figured it out, too. But Sara made it a point not to tell any of us where she was, and as much as I disliked it, I respected her privacy.

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More to come...reviews please!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Grissom didn't respect Sara's privacy. He must have poured over Sara's letters for hours to figure out where she was. He probably ran tests on them, looking for dirt, or something, to tell him something. In any case, he found something that told him where she was. The team doesn't know what happened when Gil showed up at Sara's cabin. They don't know that she told him the "thing" she had for him was not born of true romantic feelings, but of confusion. They don't know that she told him she didn't want him there – that she hadn't told the team where she was because she wanted to avoid a situation like that. I know she told him those things. I know she tried to let him down nicely but he couldn't wrap it around his head until she got blunt and practically threw his bags out her door and pushed him out right behind them. The story she told me had me rolling on the floor as I imagined her frustration at his lack of insight. I felt awful for Grissom though. We all had thought Gil left to go to Sara. We all thought they would live happily ever after together. The rest of the team still assumes that's the case.

Instead of sitting here thinking about the case, my mind has wandered to Sara. I've noticed that happening a lot lately. Especially the past eleven days. Today is day eleven of that eleven day trip Sara was taking. I'm really looking forward to a nice glass of wine and a long conversation with her, whenever that happens. It's become a habit for me – whenever we talk, I curl up on my couch with a glass of wine in my hand and the phone to my ear. I smile at the anticipation of hearing about Sara's adventures before being pulled out of my reverie by Langston and Nick wanting to go over some case details.

As we debate the implications of the evidence, we are rudely interrupted by Ecklie. At the end of his obnoxious rant, he storms off. I watch him turn the corner in shock. Just as he disappears, his image is replaced by an angelic vision Sara Sidle. It's not until Nick and Ray react to the vision as well, before I realize it's not a vision, but it's really Sara in front of me. She hugs Nick and I, and introduces herself to Ray. She's about to go change when I ask her if she wants to grab a bite to eat after shift.

"Yeah, okay." She's smiling as she responds. She looks absolutely amazing right now. Her face really does look more relaxed than I ever remember seeing it. God, I hope this place doesn't bring back the sad Sara Sidle I used to know. I've really grown to love the happy one. Love? I analyze my thoughts…I know I love her, she's a great friend. But I've never really thought about it before. Hmm.

As Ray and Nick and I leave the room, Greg comes in and gives Sara a huge hug. I can hear their conversation as I head down the hall. "Sara! What are you doing here? You tired of being happy and married?"

"No," she has a smile in her voice, but I turn my head over my shoulder to make sure she's okay with telling this story. "I'm not married, Greg. I know that's what you all thought was going to happen. I know that's what Grissom wanted to happen. But it's not what I wanted. My time in Costa Rica was wonderful, but I miss my life here. I miss you guys. Ecklie called and said the team was down a man and wondered if I could recommend anyone."

"Awww. We missed you too, Sara."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I smile as I hear Sara's simple explanation of her non-existent marriage. I'm glad that so far, she's still sounding like the Sara I've grown so close to. I sigh as I walk back into my office and sit down at the desk. I shuffle through the piles on my desk for Riley's folder, and pull it out to read. A few phrases stand out and hit me hard: "ineffective leadership," "no team unity," and "poor communication" for starters. I want to hit something, or scream, or throw a tantrum. I need stress relief of some form. I can't attempt any type of relief right now, since Hodges is right in front of me. _I can do this…deal with Hodges, then I can find Sara. God, I'm so glad she's here!_

"Hodges, who did you blab to?" I just want to get this over with right now. I can't think, I won't be able to properly function professionally until I can get this off my chest.

Recently, when I've needed this kind of relief, I've gone outside and called Sara, even for just a couple minutes. I wonder the halls, looking for Sara; I find her just leaving Ecklie's office. I smile at her "Hey, you got a minute?"

"Always for you," Her smile lights up her face.

Ray fills me in on his latest findings as Sara and I are walking toward the locker room. Once he leaves, Sara takes her turn filling me in. Once we get to the locker room, I know I can really talk to her, the way we have on the phone. That's another habit I've picked up: spilling problems and asking her thoughts on how to fix it. I hope we can keep that up with her back. It's saves my sanity a couple times. "Sara, I know you walked in to some fireworks in the break room," I start.

"What, Ecklie? Please!" She can't believe I'd take Ecklie seriously. Well, she's mostly right. I rarely do.

"No. I just read Riley's exit interview. She had some…" I pause, looking for the right word. "…harsh things to say about my leadership. That the team's fractured; that it lacks…cohesion, because of me, because of my managerial style." I take a breath, still trying to wrap my head around the words I read in that report. "I don't know, I admit it. I admit that things are different since Grissom left." I'm really at a loss on what to do here, and I can tell Sara understands that.

"Well," she stops. I can't tell if she's figuring out what to say or how to say it. "It's like when a great baseball team loses its cleanup hitter. Suddenly everybody's swinging for the fences and nobody's playing small ball."

I quirk my eyebrow at her. "You're using a baseball analogy."

"Yeah, the kids in most of the villages in Costa Rica live for baseball. It's _huge_ there, and I had to learn the game and all that goes with it in order to connect."

I laugh at that a little. I know she didn't _have_ to learn about baseball – the people would have loved her simply for what she was doing for them. But Sara has always gone above and beyond, so this bit of information is not in the least bit surprising to me. "Mmmkay, it's just kind of a weird side of you." I'm still smiling though. It's an adorable side of her. _Adorable? Where did that come from?_

"I know." She nods her head. Her eyes tell me she's still thinking about my problem though. "Look, you still have a lot of great players, and some new talent. Maybe…you just need to reshuffle your lineup."

I'm having a hard time following that analogy. "English, please?"

Her face is deadly serious for a second. "You are a _great_ CSI, Catherine. And you know how to manage your team." I know she's not flattering me, that I am those things, but coming from her, it feels special. "The only Grissom had, that you don't, is…you." I look up at her and realize she's right. And I realize I know what I need to do. _I could kiss her right now. Woah, I could what?_

Before I know it, a hoard of men are barreling and shooting their way through the labs, carrying a body bag. I'm on the floor, protecting a witness as I see Sara and Nick plow their way through the doors behind the perps. _Oh God, no! I can't lose her, not when I just got her back!_ I don't even bother to question my thoughts this time.

I got stuck at work, trying to take care of paperwork from the office break-in, so I missed out on that bite to eat with Sara. I talked to her at the end of shift though, for a bit. She's taking a raincheck for after tomorrow's shift. As she walked out of my office, I called her back. "Hey, Sar!"

She popped her head back around the corner, "Yeah, Cath?"

"If this is the end result of your eleven day silence, I'll take it. It's great to have you back, and I'm sorry I had to cancel on you."

She grins at me. "It's good to be back," She eyes me for a few slow seconds before continuing. "And I'll find a way for you to make it up me," she winks at me before she pushes off the doorjamb and heading to the locker room. _I could swear she just undressed me with her eyes. Is it getting hot in here?_ I can feel my blush rise from my chest all the way up into my hairline.


	4. Chapter 4

Today was a hot one. I didn't envy Nick and Sara having to go out the site where that van was recovered. I didn't envy them having to do the clean up job on the chipped up body of James Hamilton, either. Once I walk into the morgue with Ray and Greg, I do envy Nick though. Sara has her hair pulled back into a ponytail, but the strands that frame her face are too cute. _What on Earth? I'm jealous of Nick working with a chopped up body? No, I'm jealous of Nick working with Sara. Holy crap, I really am falling for Sara. I'm in trouble!_

At the end of shift, I called Nick in and promoted him. He was obviously surprised, but he seemed pleased, too. Until I handed him those reports to do. But he took it in stride and headed off, presumably to get a head start on them. Once he left my office, I went in search of Sara. I found her changing her shirt in the locker room. As I walked in, I could see her mostly bare back, as she folded the shirt she'd just taken off and set it on the bench. _Wow. _ I did some soul searching last night and realized that I really am falling for Sara. I hope to all get out that I can get over that. Well, that or…_nah, there's no way she was checking me out last night in my office._ "Hey, you ready for breakfast?"

"Please! I'm starved!" She pulls on a clean shirt and turns to me, neatly placing the dirty one in her bag as we head out.

We picked a place not too far from the lab, but one the team doesn't usually frequent. "I'm letting you in on my secret, Sara," I tell her as I hold the door open for her. "I come here when I need to get away from the lab and want to avoid the possibility of running into anyone I know."

Sara smiles at me and briefly takes my free hand. "Thank you, Cath. Your secret's safe with me, I promise." My heart skips a beat at Sara's touch.

We spend a good couple hours at the diner. We finished our food long ago, but have just been nursing our coffee and catching up. "I wish you'd have told me you were coming back," I start. Sara looks like she wants to respond, but I don't give her the chance yet. "I totally understand why you didn't, though. Especially if you weren't sure it was going to pan out. I'd hate to get my hopes up and have them dashed."

"So you're not upset that I didn't tell you?" Sara looks so cute when she's unsure of something.

"A little, but the surprise of having you in the halls last night was worth it," I smile at Sara, assuring her that I'm not mad.

Sara took a deep breath and visibly tried to relax herself. She usually only does that when she's nervous about something. I reach out and place my hand on hers, trying to help her relax. She sits and stares and our hands for a few seconds. "What is it? What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Nothing!" Um, nothing's wrong. "It's just…" Sara dropped her head and rolled it side to side, apparently stretching out her muscles. When she looked up, she rolled her shoulders a bit, too. "I didn't just come back because I missed the team." She leaned forward so she was leaning on her elbows toward me.

I gently squeeze Sara's hand, still trying to calm her nerves and get her to open up. "We've spent a lot of time talking over the last year, Sara. We told each other lots of things we wouldn't have told anyone else. We learned about each other's backgrounds, about the shadows that have followed up through life. I didn't turn on you then, and I'm not going to turn on you now, so spit it out. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. Just…talk to me, Sara."

Sara gives me a small grin. "It's harder in person, ya know?"

I pick up my phone and hold down the "2." I put the phone to my ear and wait. Sara's phone starts beeping at her across the table. She picks it up and looks at the caller ID.

"You're calling me?" Sara looks at me, her eyes full of questions. "Catherine, why are you calling me?"

"You tell me everything on the phone, Sara. Pick it up and tell me."

"No. I don't want to."

I close my phone and set it on the table. That hurt, and I must not have been able to hide my emotions, because Sara puts her second hand on top of mine.

"No, Catherine. That's not what I meant. I want to tell you. I want to tell you in person, I just…it's harder than I expected, you know?"

"You don't have anything to be afraid of Sara. There's nothing you could tell me that is going to make me run off. I'm not the people in your past."

She takes a deep breath. "I know." Sara's thumb starts to caress my hand. It seems to be an absent-minded motion, and is one part relaxing and one part stimulating. "I didn't come back because I missed the team, Cath." She seems to realize what her thumb is doing now: she's staring at our hands. I don't move or say anything. I don't want to break her concentration, or destroy her courage. Sara looks back up at me and we lock eyes. She seems to find whatever she was looking for there, because I notice a faint nod before she continues. "I didn't come back for the team, Catherine. I came back for you. I came back because I missed _you._"

I don't know the words to say. I know what Sara must have seen in my eyes, because I can see it in her eyes. "Sara," I squeeze her hand just a bit. "Come back to my place with me. I'll make coffee there." I answer the question forming in Sara's eyes. "I missed you too, Sara." I can tell she understands what I mean. As we walk out of the diner, she holds the door for me, and takes me hand in hers as we walk together to my car.


End file.
